by Mark Lindstrom
Have you ever found yourself in a conversation and while you think you are listening the reality is you haven’t heard a single word? If you have, you’re not alone. It is estimated that the average leader ignores, forgets, or misunderstands at least 75% of what they hear. Most people are better hearing themselves talk than they are listening to what others say. Why is this a fairly common occurrence? Because most of us have been conditioned to “add value” by sharing our insights, experiences & perspective and providing answers. Unfortunately these “insights and answers” are usually given before we fully understand the true context of the issue.
Many leaders don’t listen, and it is one of the greatest methods we have of learning. You need to listen to those under your supervision and those above you. We’d all be a lot wiser if we listened more – not just hearing the words, but not thinking about what we are going to say.” – Coach John Wooden
So how do you change the game? How do you take the first step to becoming a better listener, one who adds value, confidence and trust by listening more and telling less? My belief is that most of us know what to do but for many different reasons we simply choose not to do it. So what is a simple first step to move from knowing to doing? A simple way is to ask yourself – “W.A.I.T.” – when you’re hearing your voice more then the other person in your conversations.
During my coaching certification program at the Hudson Institute I learned a smart coaching tip that helps me to step out of my head and tune into the person during coaching conversations. When I find myself talking more than listening, or providing the answers, I tune into W.A.I.T and ask myself "Why Am I Talking?" It is a simple anchor that helps me to “STOP TALKING and START LISTENING!” Remember what we were told as children? “That we were given two ears and one mouth for a purpose - to ensure we would listen twice as much as we speak.” That same axiom applies in the business world. Listen twice as much as you talk.
So during your next conversation be more self-aware, commit to intentionally change your behavior and take away the YOU focus. This includes what YOU think, what YOU want to hear, what YOU think is the answer and YOU talking too much. . Forget about whatever it is that YOU want from a conversation. Remember, not everyone is seeking an answer or resolution to his or her problems. Sometimes they just want someone to listen to them. The art of listening means hearing with an open mind and heart. Reserve judgment. Don't be quick to offer advice or to provide the answer. Relax and understand that some people like bouncing ideas off other people because it helps them to “own their problem” and find a resolution on their own. And if you find yourself getting off track, then do as I do, simply ask yourself – W.A.I.T.?
Your turn: Take a few moments to pause and reflect on the following questions: What grade would you give your listening skills – A, B, C, D or Incomplete? What are the top three listening habits you need to work on? What is your “talking to listening” ratio - what do you want it to be a year from now? Finally, with whom do you need to have a “listening conversation?” Make a commitment to have it – today, this week or this month.
